Alice - 1988

Grade = A-

-When I began this film, I figured I would watch a little bit and then turn it off, but I could not stop watching.  It's creepy, It's so F**king weird, it's amazing.  This version of Alice in Wonderland is so much better than that piece of sh*t Tim Burton made a while back.

Mr. Joe Says: "just watch it, you have nothing else to do..."

Koyaanisqatsi - 1982

Grade = A

-This film isn't really a "movie" but it isn't really a documentary either.  It's a Mind****.  The best way to explain this film, is that it's like a really terrifying yet wonderful nightmare from the 80's.  The music scares the sh** out of me.  Movies that have things sped up are always good, and this movie is all sped up.  You have to just watch this to understand.

Mr. Joe Says: " I imagine this film plays in your mind right before you die"

Mary and Max -2009

Grade= A+

-All I will say is that this movie F***ing Kicks A**hole.

Mr. Joe Says: " This is the Clay-Mation king of movies"

Osmosis Jones - 2001

Grade = B

- I love Bill Murray in this movie, he is fat slob who loves junk food just like me.  The other stuff in this movie is pretty good too, but I always look forward to the live-action scenes.  This movie does make me a little sick tho...

Mr. Joe Says: "Really easy to watch and if you pay attention you just might learn something about something"

John and Mary - 1969

Grade = B

-John and Mary is about these two people that "do" each other and then get to know each other the next day.  Now who wouldn't want to watch that?  Dustin Hoffman plays a very neat and tidy man and Mia Farrow plays the cute nice slut.  Now I know you really wanna see this.

Mr. Joe Says: " One rule to live by is, if Dustin Hoffman is in it, It can't be that bad"

except this... this sucks like hell"

Tron: Legacy 2010

Grade = C+

-Matrix meets Mrs. Pac-Man in a very boring sort of way.  They could have easily called this one "Digital-Bridges"  The first bit was very cool, and then the whole movie got really boring and I wanted to go home and see what was in the fridge.  I wasn't expecting anything incredible because from what I remember the first one sucked pretty bad, but I just was waiting for it to be over... Jeff Bridges is high the whole movie and I don't care about Daft Punk at all and they can both go to hell.

Mr. Joe Says: "Unless you are tripping out on some awesome Sh** like Jeff was, I would just wait for this to come out on dvd and watch it in your own private home theater that you don't have so you can fast forward."

Love Story - 1970

Grade = B

-Love Story's title says it all.  Rich boy is cut off because he wants to marry this foxy babe,  but its not his fault,  He is in love, and love will ruin you, as you will see when you watch Love Story.  I like this movie and I was happy to see it at Target 5 bucks but it's easily worth 7.

Mr. Joe Says: "If you haven't seen this yet, don't worry, but you better see it soon you idiot"

Paper Moon - 1973

Grade = A

-Maybe the most love-able movie I have ever seen.  I am in love with this movie.  Ryan O'Neal And his actual daughter Tatum O'Neal star in this film as con artists during the great depression and if you don't love this movie then I feel sorry for you because you have no heart.  This movie makes stealing from people not so bad.

Mr. Joe says: " I command you to not only buy this film, but to buy two copies and give one to someone you care about."

All The President's Men - 1976

Grade = C

-Watching this film made me feel like I was in High School again, it was long, it was boring, and I fell asleep in the middle of it.  At least it had Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford in it,  by the end of this movie all I could think about was what I will watch next after this 2 hour old-man movie is over.

Mr. Joe says: " This is an "Old-Man" movie meaning nothing exciting happens and there are no car chase scenes or nudity, unless it happened while I was sleeping, but I really don't think there were any."

100th Review! All Dogs Go To Heaven - 1989

 

A word from FilmGravy Founder

Grade = B

-It took me a while to choose a movie for the 100th review, because either way it's going to be a letdown.  So I hope you enjoyed the video, because this review probably won't be anything special.  Well, well, well All Dogs Go To Heaven, is a movie that I never watched growing up because I thought it was for girls or sissies.  Wow did I miss out,  I wonder what my life would have been like if I embraced this wonderful movie as a child. (I'd probably be a lot gayer)  Anyways, this movie is great, I loved almost all of the songs especially the one the gator sings.  But just as a caution, I couldn't watch this movie everyday.  If I had to watch this movie everyday I would kill myself.

Mr. Joe Says: "well there you have it, 100 reviews. (if you could call them that...) I know no better way to end with this review than with this song from All Dogs go to Heaven"


Let's Make Music Together!

Until next time, Love,

Mr. Joe

Blade Runner - 1982

Grade = F

-I cannot believe how boring and completely stupid this film is.  Why on earth does anyone like this movie at all?  I watched the directors cut so it was even longer and crappier.  What was with that ending? Why did this movie suck like hell?  This is considered a Sci-Fi masterpiece?  No, this is a boring ass film that was made in the 80's.  The special effects were ok I guess, but wow, this movie was so bad.  The cover-art makes it look so awesome, nothing could be further from the truth.

Mr. Joe Says: "Never ever watch Blade Runner, one of the worst films ever made"

Loaded Weapon 1 - 1993

Grade = B-

-Ok, this movie really sucks, but why do I always want to watch this movie? Why do I own this movie?  How come I think this movie is funny?  Well the answer is that, although this movie is a piece of crap, it knows it sucks and that's what makes it great.  Spoofs all those Lethal Weapon/Cop movies... It has some really great scenes... well not really, but I'm laughing.

Mr. Joe Says: "Very much worth renting, I regret buying it for 7 bucks on an impulse, but I regret everything so..."

Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back - 1980

Grade = A+

-The sweet taste of perfection.  By far the best episode in the saga, and if someone tells you differently, they are lying to you, and they secretly love episode V best.  It's been 30 years since this movie came out and it's still the king.  Luke doesn't act as sissy as he is in A New Hope and Leia just keeps getting hotter.

Mr. Joe Says: "SO F***ING AMAZING"

Escape From Alcatraz - 1979

Grade =B+

- I'm always in the mood to watch this film,  Clint Eastwood is in jail and really wants to get out.  Just look at that serious face, he means business.  I love prison movies and this one is especially great, the ending will have you sliding off of your couch and huddled on the ground, no not really but I like the ending a lot.  I love watching movies where the protagonist is out of his mind brilliant, and you think "he's thought of everything" I just love it when murderers escape from prisons as well.  I love the warden because he is such a jackass.

Mr. Joe Says: "You will probably like this, but what do I know"

Elf - 2003

Grade = D

-If I want to watch a retarded man for an hour and a half I'll watch Rain Man, which is funnier than this.  Elf isn't that bad, but I just don't think it's amazing.  Maybe I had a bad experience involving this movie because when I see the cover art I want to immediately throw this film in the garbage.  I'm also thinking of how much i hate Deschanel, I'm just so full of hate.

Mr. Joe Says: " I need a bath."

Manhattan - 1979

Grade = B+

-All you need to know is that this is a Woody Allen Film, that it's in Black and White, one of his best films, and I love this movie.

Mr. Joe Says: " Really makes me wish I lived in New York and not the dirty boring place that I live at."

Adventures in Babysitting - 1987

Grade = B-

-It's usually a hit or miss with what I like to call "80's Shit films" but I really love Adventures in Babysitting.  It's your standard one night everything is going crazy and wrong kind of film.  The Karate Kid girl was perfect and the little red-headed nerd friend was although super annoying, actually quite like-able.  Although I would have been pist off the whole time if he was my friend trying to hone in on my sexy babysitter.

Mr. Joe Says: " Very very worth a watching, once again, I know the cover art makes it look like a piece of DogSh** made for TV movie, but its very like-able and fun."

The Hot Rock - 1972

Grade = B+

-All of a sudden Robert Redford is everywhere and I'm loving it.  The Hot Rock is nothing but pure joy.  It's directed by the same guy who directed Breaking Away, so it has got to be awesome.  So these guys are hired to steal this diamond for some African guy and something always goes wrong.  The ending was a little out there but I loved it and I enjoyed every second of this film, and could watch it again and again.  George Segal and Redford make a great couple.  I felt a bit of a BottleRocket vibe, and oh I liked that.

Mr. Joe Says: "They don't make movies like this anymore, which depresses me."

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy - 2004

Grade = F+

-I really hate this movie.  It had a couple funny moments, but I just hate this.  I gave it a "+" just because Jack Black had a funny scene in it.  I have seen things on youtube that were better than Anchorman.

Mr. Joe Says: "I hate this movie"

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story - 2007

Grade = B

-Now this film is stupid, but I really enjoyed it.  All the pop music references are so badly done that it was genius.  John C. Reilly's face cracks me up, and you gotta love that crazy voice he's got.  The songs were well done, and it's just crude fun for 96 minutes.

Mr. Joe Says: " If you missed this one and you are a music fan, you will really love this movie... if you hate music... well...I recommend Across The Universe"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story - 2004

Grade = F

- I hate it.  Vince Vaughn is annoying as F***, and I only like him in Lost World.  Ben Stiller is trying way too hard in this film, and is not funny at all.  I just hate this crap so much, it blows big time.

Mr. Joe Says: " You have probably already seen this... just try never to see it again."

Heavy Weights - 1995

Grade = A+

-My life falls apart if I don't watch this at least twice a month.  Ben Stillers all time best performance.  Better than the whole Mighty Ducks snorefest.  Better than everything on the IMDB top 250, better than Schindler's List.  This is a Solid Gold Film.  I can watch this movie in my mind, scene for scene, because I have it burned into my brain.

Mr. Joe Says: "When I die, I want to be buried with a copy of Heavy Weights"

Papillon - 1973

Grade = A

-I was not expecting this film to be completely insane and out of this world, and it ended up being completely insane and out of this world.

Mr. Joe Says: "It would be completely insane for you to miss out on this film"

Planet of The Apes - 1968

Grade = A-

-Huge fan of the whole Saga (except the last one...that one is so boring), but this one is of course the best.  It is a very slooooow movie at times, but creepy as hell and the costumes are amazing.  The music makes me very frightened and anxious, but it's supposed to do that so don't worry.  Charlton Heston overacts as he should, and has some of the funniest most memorable lines ever.  Like I said it drags a little bit, but this is as good as it gets when it comes to Sci-Fi.

Mr. Joe Says: "Do not watch Tim Burton's remake, it is the worst movie ever made."

Rocketman - 1997

Grade = B-

-I used to think this movie was perfect, but now that I'm not eleven years old I can see that this movie sucks a little.  but just a little, I mean it got a B-.  I have a soft spot for these 90's disney crap movies.  The story is they put an idiot into space, now how can that not be entertaining?

Mr. Joe Says: " It's good but you will probably hate it."

Jeremiah Johnson - 1972

Grade = B

-This movie was pretty long, and I usually hate movies that are long, especially those stupid Lord of the Rings movies, but in this case I didn't mind so much.  Robert Redford plays another badass who doesn't say too much so of course he was great.  If you hate Native Americans you will probably love this because he kills a ton of them... You just follow this guy around the wilderness, there you have it.

Mr. Joe Says: "Watch this one by yourself, not a good party movie... I recommend Superhero movie if you want a party movie."

Rushmore - 1998

Grade = A

-There are some movies you just can't help but love.  Rushmore is one of them.  The soundtrack alone gives it an A.  Jason Schwartzman's first film and definitely his best ever.  I'm in love with the school teacher and Bill Murray is a Crack up!  Wes Anderson's best film by far, that's right, screw the Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore is perfect.  One amazing love triangle.

Mr. Joe Says: "The soundtrack is perfect"

Empire Records - 1995

Grade  = D-

-Empire records is like watching High Fidelity but even crappier.  Everyone in this movie is annoying, especially the guy in the black turtle neck.  I hate him so much, and the stoner guy.  I can't believe I watched the entire film without strangling myself.  Liv Tyler was pretty steamy in this movie, but not worth it at all.  I never want to see any of the people in this movie ever again.

Mr. Joe Says: "So completely horrible, unless you have some childhood tie to this, this is shit"

Chicago - 2002

Grade= D

-After watching this movie, I became ill for two weeks.  I think Richard Gere and Queen Latifa's Ass were too blame.

Mr. Joe Says:"This got best picture? 2002 really sucked balls"

Dark Knight - 2008

Grade = C

-Dark Knight was great the first time, but not amazing. and I never want to see this film again.  I'm sick of Morgan Freeman's face and Christian Bale is a short loser.  The soundtrack gives me a headache and it's just too long.  Heath Ledger would have not liked this movie if he was alive to see it.  Better than the first one tho, now that movie really sucked.

Mr. Joe Says:" Too heavy. too gay, not enough Mr. Freeze"

Home Alone 3 - 1997

Grade = D-

-How do you make a sequel to Home Alone 2? You can't, this sucks.  But young kids will love it.  Whoever said this one is better than the first two is clearly an idiot.

Mr. Joe Says: " Macaulay Culkin isn't in it, so don't even bother"

Home Alone 2: Lost In New York - 1992

Grade = B+

-How do you make a sequel to Home Alone?  Put him in New York and add that freaky Tim Curry to the mix.  What I'm saying is this movie is pretty much the same movie as the first one, but just a little different, a little more Tim Curry and less snow shoveler.  The snow shoveler is replaced with Bird Woman.

-Mr. Joe Says: " If you love the first one you will like this one, it's always good seeing people get hit in the crotch"

Mars Attacks - 1996

Grade = C+

- I try and I try to love this film, I've tried to love this film since I was 6 years old but I just can't.  The truth is, that this movie isn't that great.  It has so many brilliant stars! even Michael J. Fox is in it!  I feel like all of Hollywood is in it... but still, I just get bored and walk around my house during the middle of it most times.  The Aliens are very cool looking and I get that it's supposed to be sort of a homage to the old cult films of the 50's, and I'm not expecting anything completely amazing, but like I said, it's missing something.  It isn't completely awful tho, don't get me wrong.  and seriously, everyone is in this movie, Tom Jones is in this movie, TOM JONES! maybe I need to watch it again...

Mr. Joe says:" It's worth renting at your local video rental store before it's bulldozed down"

The Elephant Man - 1980

Grade = A

-Elephant Man is one of those movies that you watch and you are so depressed you want to kill yourself, or at least be nicer to those deformed.  It's based on a true story (which makes it even more depressing) and tells the story of John Merrick who is severely deformed and deemed The Elephant Man in a freakshow, well Anthony Hopkins plays the nicest doctor in the world and steps in to help this guy out. You pretty much feel bad the whole movie but in a good way.

Mr. Joe Says: "A definite must see, very Lynch-creepy black and white, if you know what I mean"

The Purple Rose of Cairo - 1985

Grade = A

-This film is so wonderful.  Its a Woody Allen film so you already know it will be amazing, and Mia Farrow is in it, so you have no excuse not to see it, but Jeff Daniels is the real cherry on this movie cake.  So the story is,  its set in the 1930's in New Jersey and Farrow is in love with the movies because she is married to this fat douche bag.  So she's at the movies and Jeff Daniels comes out of the movie screen into real life... I dont know if I made any sense.  But just make sure to see this movie.  Just look at what the other critics said on the poster above.

Mr. Joe Says: "You will fall in love with Jeff Daniels, you will love this movie, you will see more Woody Allen films, this review was so boring to me."

Pineapple Express - 2008

Grade = F-

-This movie is complete crap.  I hate Seth Rogen.  James Franco is not funny, and people only think he is funny in this movie because they are stupid morons.  Weed humor gets so old.  The neckbrace guy has a couple funny moments, but all of those moments were in the trailer, and all of them weren't that funny.  I hate this stupid ass movie.

Mr. Joe Says: "why does everyone like this film? because everyone is a jackass"

Knife in the Water - 1962

Grade = B+

-I really don't know what to say about this film, but for some reason I couldn't stop watching it.  It's in Polish so get your glasses out.  It tells the story of this couple and a hitchhiker they pick up who go sailing for the day.  It's great.  Maybe the best film about sailing.

Mr. Joe Says: " This film was like eating a weird meal that you end up loving, but maybe not eating that meal for a longtime after."

Only the Lonely - 1991

Grade = C+ (maybe a B-)

-John Candy's face in the poster above, is pretty much how I feel about this movie.  He plays a big Fat lonely nice Guy who has an annoying as hell mother.  Jim Belushi appears in this film only to make me angry and wish he wasn't there.  So fat lonely guy meets weirdo girl and they fall in love, and this is one of those movies where everything keeps falling apart and I hate that in movies, but I love it at the same time... anyways its a nice movie that makes me feel like if John candy can score Ally Sheedy then I gotta chance.

Mr. Joe Says: " you should watch this one, John Candy is so love-able and Maureen O'hara used to be beautiful...but now she is old, and this was made in 91, imagine her now... but lets just think of her then.

Say Anything - 1989

Grade = C+

-It's good, but I think I would have liked this film more, if I was gay or a girl.  I like Better off Dead a whole lot more.  Say anything is a little too... I don't know creamy.  Better Off Dead was like a punch in the Jaw.  Loser loves rich nice girl, nice rich girl loves loser, dad hates loser, loser buys boombox.  There, you know what happens, now go watch Better Off Dead.

Mr. Joe Says: "this would be a great date night movie...im such a loser"

Jaws - 1975

Grade = A+

-Seriously one of the greatest if not the greatest film ever made.  Every single person in this film is perfect in every single way.  Especially Richard Dreyfuss and the Mayor, I love that Mayor.  People say the shark looks fake, but I think it looks completely amazing.  I had to stop taking baths for a couple weeks after watching Jaws. Oh shoot, and Robert Shaw everybody!

-Mr. Joe Says: " If you haven't seen this, Why haven't you? there is no excuse"

Westworld - 1973

Grade = B+

-Westworld is written and directed by Michael Crichton, and is one weird ass film.  You can totally see where Jurassic Park came from after watching Westworld.  The story is about this futuristic theme park where everything goes wrong and this angry bald man (shown above) goes out for a killing spree.  So you pay a thousand dollars a day to live in this Robot filled themed world, they got Roman world, Westworld, and I don't remember the other one... and well the dream vacation turns into a nightmare.  I got a real Total Recall vibe from this film, If you like that, im sure you will like this one.  You can also see where that stupid moron who made Terminator got his ideas from.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Even tho it's a little dated, I was still totally into the special effects, and I loved Yul Brynner.  Sci-Fi-Fantastic"

Jingle All the Way - 1996

Grade = A-

-This is my favorite christmas movie and the only reason I gave it an A- rather then an A was because that moron Jim Belushi is in it... I hate that guy, but i guess he wasn't so bad in this movie.  Phil Hartman always is perfect and oh baby SINBAD is in this film, yes! yes! Sinbad is like a golden little nugget, whenever he is in a movie it makes the movie a perfect movie.  Arnold of course is a riot, because he can barely talk.  This film is jam packed with one-liners and people falling on the ground that your head will spin. oh and I almost forgot to mention little Anakin Skywalker is in this, and he plays a little spoiled brat! again!

-Mr. Joe Says: " The reason I celebrate Christmas is because of this movie"

Last Action Hero - 1993

Grade = D-

-This could have been great, this could have been amazing, but instead it was 5 hours long and annoyed the hell out of me.  Purple Rose of Cairo meets True Lies ended up being a horrible combination.

Mr. Joe Says: "screw this movie and screw you"

Problem Child - 1990

Grade= A

-John Ritter and Amy Yasbeck adopt a little red haired hellraiser.  This film ranks up there in the all time greatest movies ever made, right behind Stealing Harvard.  If you haven't seen this you are really missing out and I feel very very sorry for you.  Kramer is in it too! They also made a sequel and you have got to watch that one to.  This movie is nothing but "feel-good"

Mr. Joe says: " Problem Child will make you forget that your life is boring and sucks"

Lolita - 1962

Grade = C?B-?

-I never thought I could feel confused, dirty, and bored at the same time, until I went to Community College... and when I watched Lolita.  It's Kubrick so I gave it a C.  Weird English man becomes obsessed with his step Daughter, you can go from there.

Mr. Joe Says: "you could easily skip this one... no nudity at all..."

Funny Farm - 1988

Grade = C-

- The same guy who directed The Sting for best picture, also directed this piece of crap in the 80's.  Stupid idiot Chevy Chase moves out into the country with his slutty wife in order to write a novel.  But then the whole town is full of hillbilly freaks and you don't really need to watch this to know what happens.  To be honest I have 11 minutes left that I didn't watch, but I don't really care what happens anyways.  I laughed maybe 3.4 times.

Mr. Joe Says: "not the crappiest movie I have seen, but better then Avatar"

The Sting - 1973

Grade = A-

-This film is about two gay guys that love to gamble.  Not true, but sort of true.  This film was fantastic.  Paul Newman's got this little mustache, Robert Redford is a little powder puff, and the story has so many twists that I'm sweaty just thinking about it.  If you are in the mood for one hell of a crazy trip, I highly recommend The Sting.  As an added bonus this movie has got the one and only Robert Shaw from JAWS!  The rag-time soundtrack was also a very sexy touch.

Mr. Joe says: " will blow your ass off"

Red - 2010

Grade = B

-I expected nothing at all from this movie,  I just went and saw it because there was nothing better to do and I have no life.  But WOW! this movie was great! It's not amazing but I had fun the whole time, and I usually hate everything.  Red is about these retired CIA agents or whatever and they get all back together to fight crime and stuff... Bruce Willis was as always steamy and John Malkovich completely stole the show and had me cracking up.  I don't know if I was just in a great mood but I really loved this film.  I sometimes get bored in full on action films, but this one had a ton of comedy splashes.

Mr. Joe Says: " I want a sequel, and you should hurry and get to a theater to see this one right now"