Pee-wee's Big Adventure - 1985

Grade = A

-Completely brilliant in every way.  Tim Burton's first major motion picture and maybe his best.  This movie literally has everything, and if you don't believe me, well, your an idiot, because it really has everything, except it doesn't have hardcore pornography but who wants to see Pee-wee in the nude anyways.  He loses his bike blah blah blah trys to find it, gets into trouble its your basic formula of genius

-Mr. Joe Says: "could watch this movie every single day, and i do"

Rock 'N' Roll High School - 1979

Grade = C- (maybe a C+)

-I'm a huge Ramones fan and they are probably in the top 3 of best bands of all time, and I really want to love this movie but I just can't.  You have to watch pretty much the whole movie before the Ramones are in it.  I just wish they would cut out all the scenes without the Ramones, then this movie would be great.  The Riff Randle girl is annoying as Sh** and she looks like she is 40 years old, and Ron Howard's brother creeps me out.

-Mr. Joe Says: "If you like the Ramones, try it out.  If you don't like the Ramones you won't like this movie at all and you should seek help because if you don't like the Ramones, something is seriously wrong with you."

The Omen - 1976

Grade = A

-One of the scariest movies I have ever seen. maybe the second scariest I've ever seen.  The nanny will freak you out and she looks like David Bowie.  The whole movie just gets more and more frightening from the moment it begins.  I don't want to spoil the film, so just see it for yourself.   I haven't seen the remake that was made for this film but just watch the original first, because remakes usually suck.

-Mr. Joe Says: "I highly recommend this film to you, watch it divided into 11 parts on youtube, to add even more horror!!!"

Click here to start THE OMEN

Whip it - 2009

Grade = D-

-Probably the stupidest film made with roller skates in it.  I really hate that fish-faced Juno girl.  And Drew Barrymore acts like a stupid idiot again.  The colors are all washed out... I don't really want to talk about this movie anymore.

-Mr. Joe Says: " Sux with an x; Drew Barrymore's first and most likely suckiest film, skip this crap"

The Shining - 1980

Grade = B+

-This film is creepy as F***.  Now I know people love to compare this film to the book, and I will say the movie does leave out a ton of cool stuff that was in the book, but you shouldn't let some nerd who is clearly trying to show you that they read like I just did persuade you from not seeing this movie.  The soundtrack will make the hair on your back stand on end.  Jack Nicholson plays that same lovable character as always, but I think Shelley Duvall is the reason this film is so great, her face alone scares me yet seduces me.

Mr. Joe Says: " See this film, because everyone else already has"

Small Soldiers - 1998

Grade = A

-Quite possibly the best movie ever made.  From evil satanic barbies to Phil Hartman, this movie has got it all!  You will laugh your ass off! You will wish they made a sequel like I have prayed for every night since I was eight years old.  It's your basic toys go out of control and are too smart because of some micro chip error.  I don't know why I'm reviewing this film, I'm sure everyone has seen it multiple times.

Mr. Joe Says: "Solid gold easy action"

Daddy Day Care - 2003

Grade = C+

-Now this movie really sucks, but it isn't that bad.  One thing I noticed is that I can watch it over and over again mindlessly.  Steve Zahn is always great and Eddie Murphy... Well he sucks a little.  You could pretty much just look at the movie poster above and you wouldn't need to watch the movie.  Like I said, it's a crappy movie that is just bright and colorful enough to watch over and over again.

-Mr. Joe Says: " Watch this movie, but you probably won't like it unless you own your own day care."

Super Mario Bros. - 1993

Grade = B-

-Now I know people have their opinions about this film, or maybe they don't, but anyways, the reason people hate this movie so much is because they compare it to the video game too much.  Any movie that has Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, and Dennis Hopper cannot be that bad.  If you relax and get into this movie you will realize that it's actually pretty great.  It has a Killer Soundtrack, and some really awesome visual effects.  Yeah it's very very loosely adapted from the video-game and maybe a little too loose, but this movie is what it is, people should give this movie another chance.  The Voice of Bob Hoskins alone made this movie a B-

-Mr. Joe Says: "Not just for video-game nerds, its a great film for losers and weirdos as well! I'll just agree with the Washington Post; "It's A Blast" (whatever that means)

Yes Man - 2008

Grade = F

-I could talk all day about how much I hate this movie.  Anytime I see that talking singing Rat Woman Zooey Deschanel my stomach hurts in a bad way.  Jim Carrey is so old and he has that Hair-cut and he is trying to be funny and he isn't being funny, and he is friends with those morons.  This movie is awful from start to finish.  I loved and worship Jim Carrey when I was little but lately everything Jim Carrey has done is complete garbage.  And once again Zooey Deschanel is a creepy freak of nature that needs to go away.  This is a real crappy version of Liar Liar with an annoying singing Rat Woman.

-Mr. Joe Says: " I HATE THIS MOVIE, everything is all wrong, avoid at all costs, if you think this is funny, then you are a loser"

Dunston Checks In - 1996

Grade = B- (maybe C+)

-In case you couldn't tell this movie is for young kids, but the orangutan is still pretty funny.  I used to watch this movie religiously as a kid and back then I thought it was perfect, but after watching it as a man/boy now I realize that a lot of the gags are pretty crappy.  I laughed out loud a couple times but I was probably half asleep and in a really good mood.  You might really hate this movie if you don't have a childhood tie to it.  Like that piece of crap horrible movie Hook.  The little kid is a bit screamy, and the older brother is a total douche bag, and Jason Alexander is his same sweaty self.  It's just a feel good waste of time.

-Mr. Joe Says: "You probably wouldn't like this movie unless you are totally drugged out or a huge fan of apes"

The Others - 2001

Grade = B

-I was a little bored in the beginning and I was confused and probably in a bad mood but, after a little while I got totally into this movie and I kept trying to guess the end, but I was completely fooled.  Nicole Kidman is totally sexy and perfect.  The daughter annoyed me, and I really wanted the mute to talk, but other then that this film is great.  What a Twist!! What a Woman (Kidman, not the old hag)

-Mr. Joe Says:"Wonderful movie, Rent this for Halloween, or don't, I dont care"

When Harry Met Sally - 1989

Grade = C

-First of all Meg Ryan is the most annoying woman of all time, and Second of all Billy Crystal is the most annoying man of all time.

-Mr. Joe Says: " Screw this movie, watch Annie Hall"

Alice in Wonderland - 2010

Grade = D-

-A beautiful, colorful movie that sucks like hell.  I don't know why I hated, oh wait I know, it sucks and it's boring.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Sucks"

The Man with One Red Shoe - 1985

Grade = F?

-I can't remember if I even finished this film or if it was a bad dream. Or why is Tom Hanks such a jackass and then such a genius.

-Mr. Joe Says: "File under: Piece of shit 80's movies you never should see"

Rebecca - 1940

Grade = C+

-Hitchcock has done way better,  although this film pre-dates almost all of his mega hits...  None-the-less this movie was just whatever.  Its pretty creepy but not really, and its just so long.  It won Picture of the year so, its worth watching once.  It got a C+ because I probably will never watch this again.  The main girl is kind of sexy but acts like a brain dead hoe bag that's 11 years old.  I'm sure this movie was incredible back in the 40's but I've been spoiled by the great films of now, like Not Another Teen Movie and Star Wars Episode I.

-Mr. Joe Says: "If you are on a Hitchcock kick go ahead and watch this, its alright I guess"

Beavis and Butt-Head Do America - 1996

Grade = A

-The T.V. show is alright... but this movie is amazing, and ten times better then the show.  I know some of you have this notion that this movie will be completely moronic, but it's so much more than crude sexual humor.  It is almost perfect.

-Mr. Joe Says: "If you haven't seen it yet, then put it in your netflix queue immediately" 

The Simpsons Movie - 2007

Grade = C-

-A bad episode that is really long and not very funny.  The Colors are nice

-Mr. Joe Says: "Ouch... what a drag"

Psycho - 1960

Grade = A+

-Hitchcock's Psycho is Amazing, don't watch the new version with that dumbass Vince Vaughn.

-Mr. Joe Says: "watch this movie really late at night by yourself"

Some Kind Of Wonderful - 1987

Grade = F

-There is a reason you haven't seen this film.  Because it's a pile of shit.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Just because it says produced by John Hughes on the box does not mean you should sit through this garbage or even think about seeing this"

Harold & Maude - 1971

Grade = A

-This movie is a little creepy, especially the young guys disturbing low voice.  I loved every second of this film.

-Mr. Joe Says: " The weirdest most creepiest Love Story you will ever love"

Matilda - 1996

Grade = B+

-This Film is Wonderful.  Best of all, it was directed by that little lovable troll Danny DeVito!  You will laugh and feel her pain.  Perfect movie for just about anytime.  And it isn't five hours long and boring as hell like Avatar.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Search through the 5 dollar crap bin at Walmart and add this beauty to your collection"

Avatar - 2009

Grade = C

-Sucks, too long, who cares (Star Wars Episode I rip off)

-Mr. Joe Says: "If you love this movie, its a big hint you have bad taste"

Phantom of the Paradise - 1974

Grade = A-

-If you are looking for a creepy ass Rock opera, this is for you.  Its got that little toad Paul Williams in it.  It really is just something you must see for yourself.  It blew my mind.

-Mr. Joe Says: " Watch this film and then tell other people about it, you will sound very cultured and intelligent, (not even kidding ;))

Gremlins - 1984

Grade = F

-Now I know why only idiots who grew up in the 80's are the only people who like this crap.  Couldn't even finish it,  i'll admit the creatures look pretty realistic... i guess

-Mr. Joe Says: "sucks, don't watch this movie after midnight,on second thought don't watch this movie at all"

First Kid - 1996

Grade = A

-Like it says on the poster, "Disney's best comedy in years" (although that is not true at all because Disney's all time greatest comedy, Heavy Weights was released in 1995)  This movie is just wonderful in every way.  Especially Sinbad, who BTW is this weeks actor of the Week.  Sinbad is so full of one liners and zingers its almost like he is in the room with you while you are watching it.  The first kid looks and talks like a little lizard, but he grows on you.

Mr. Joe Says: "Watch this movie as soon as possible, Sinbad at his best"

Breaking Away - 1979

Grade = A

-Don't let the Title and cover art of this movie fool you.  This is a film sent from the Heavens.  I love it, makes me feel all cosy inside just thinking about it.

-Mr. Joe Says: "if you are a loser like me, this movie is for you, and if you aren't a loser, you're probably too busy to watch movies anyways"

We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story

Grade = C+

-I really thought I loved this movie, but after watching it again it bummed me out.  The drawings are cool, it's just a little creepy.  Maybe i was in a bad mood when i watched it and the whole circus thing was too neon freaky for me.

-"I guess if you want to re-live your childhood, you can watch this.  If you aren't trying to re-live anything then you can easily skip this one"

Jurassic Park - 1993

Grade = A (A+ if viewed while its raining outside)

-This is a perfect movie.  Every character is perfect, Dinosaurs are perfect, the score is perfect,  Jeff Goldblum is as sexy as ever.  I cannot think of anything wrong with this movie.

-Mr. Joe Says:  "If its been a couple weeks since you have seen this, you should think about watching it again"

Hot Rod - 2007

Grade = F+

- Whenever I see Andy Samberg I immediately become very angry and full of hate.  This movie just plain sucks.  I do like the moped he rides tho.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Andy Samberg Sucks, and so does this crappy movie" 

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of The Clones - 2002

Grade = B- (maybe C+, depends what mood I'm in)

- Probably the worst of the Saga, although the third one may suck more.  I just wish that Hayden Christensen was not in this movie and I wish this movie was better...  I just really hate Hayden Christensen.  George Lucas... I don't even know what to say.

-Mr. Joe Says: "I just hate Hayden Christensen and Ewan Mcgregor is drunk half the time"

Citizen Kane - 1941

Grade = C+

-More like "Citizen Snore"  All I ever hear is how great this film is, to me it was boring.  I realize that its pretty old and I'm sure for its time it was amazing blah blah.  If it takes me more then one time to try and finish a movie, something is wrong.  Too be honest I fell asleep in the middle and I missed some parts.

-Mr. Joe Says - I guess you should at least try it out, but if its too boring, just turn it off and watch Star Wars Episode I

XOXOX

Across the Universe - 2007

Grade= F

-Kill me now, this is just awful.

-Mr. Joe Says: "I know i said Rent was the worst, but i take it back, this is the dumbest piece shit in the world.  If you love the Beatles, you will hate this movie.  If you own the album titled "1" and love the song hey Jude and are retarded then you will like this.  Do yourself a favor, never watch this, and if you own the soundtrack, you are an idiot."

I Love You Beth Cooper - 2009

Grade= F

-So Bad, this movie will make you angry and upset.  Not one joke was funny at all. Sucks Balls


Mr. Joe Says: "DO NOT SEE THIS, it sucks"

Street Fighter - 1994

Grade = C

-It sucks but in a sick way it's amazing.  Van Damme can barely talk and Raul Julia's eyes are bulging out of his eye sockets.  It's super cheesy and bad but I bought it for three bucks off a towel at the swap meet and I enjoyed how stupid it was.

-Mr. Joe says: "See this, you will be amazed by Van Damme's one liners"

oh here's an interview on letterman ----> Van Damme

Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - 2001

Grade = D-

-It BLOWS.  They should have split this movie in half and thrown the first half in the garbage, and then might as well through the other half as well.  On second thought, throw all but the end half of the third movie into the trash.  Took me 9 years and counting to finish this snorefest.

-Mr. Joe says: "Don't waste your time on this, watch Star Wars episode I"

Surf Ninjas - 1993

Grade = B+

-It is what it is. and what it is, is very great.  Rob Schneider steals the show... finally

-Mr. joe says: "Watch it dude, its Rad"

-this part makes the whole movie worth it----> Surf's up dude

Rent - 2005

Grade = F

-THE WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN.  It's about fags paying rent and having aids (its not as funny as i made it sound)  This movie just sucks on so many levels, on every level.  It's a musical,  and ever song is so horrible.  If you like this movie at all something is seriously wrong with you.

-Mr. Joe Says: " Do not watch this movie, and always talk bad about it,  I'm not homophobic, this movie is just a shit storm of gay acting and really gay singing, so you've got to be a real fag too enjoy this one at all"

Mermaids - 1990

Grade = B

- Now here is a film that will really yank your tender heart and get your blood flowing.  Winona is a little young but still sexy as ever, Cher is always sexy, Ricci is a baby, and the guy who was in The Super mario bros. movie has a great voice.  Winona's character wants to be a nun, but she likes this guy, and Cher is a slutty mom.

-Mr. Joe Says: "You should watch this movie, enjoyable and dirty"

X-Men: The Last Stand - 2006

Grade = F

-Not even worth my blogging

-Mr. Joe Says: "Don't even think about watching this crap"

Inception - 2010

Grade = D

-As boring and gay as all of the other movies this guy has made.

-Mr. Joe says:  "Skip it, It's a cool idea, something about dreams, yeah but it's long and just sucks"

Teacher's Pet - 2004

Grade = B

-This movie may look like a pile of Crap, but I love this movie.  The story is this dog wants to be a boy, and he finds this mad scientist who changes animals into humans.  It's only 74 minutes so you won't get bored and with a joke a second, each one slapping you in face, I guarantee this film to bring joy.  There are some musical numbers, kind of a lot but, dont worry because they are funny.  The drawings are very cool.

-Mr. Joe Says:  "See this film, its colorful and will help brighten your depressing life."

Herbie Fully Loaded - 2005

-

Grade = B-

-Where has this movie been all my life.  I was not expecting anything at all from this movie, but now this ranks up there with the all time greatest.  Michael Keaton is in it, Matt Dillon, that gay guy form those mac commercials. You will love this movie.

-"Rent this movie, Lohan's totally sexy, and Herbie is 2 cute 4 words"

Encino Man - 1992

Grade = B+

-Encino Man is as good as a movie gets.  First of all, anything with Pauly Shore is always a must see, and anything with Pauly shore, Brendan Frasier, and that kid who played Rudy is a goldmine.  If you haven't given this movie a chance yet, I highly recommend getting this immediately and watching it a couple times.  Pauly Shore is a genius. Frasier plays a perfect caveman.  And it has this really cute motor scooter in it.  xoxox

-Mr. Joe Says:  " Watch this movie, and make sure you watch it on vhs, it adds to it, trust me"

Hook - 1991

Grade = F

-Piece of dog shit

Mr. Joe says: "Don't watch this movie, i couldn't even finish it, boring, made me tired"

Babies - 2010

Grade = A-

This movie is about cute little babies.  It is great.  If you love babies, you will love this movie, and if you don't love babies you are a real dumb ass.  The mom of the white baby looks like a man.

Mr. Joe says: "Rent this movie and you will be happy, the little black baby is too cute"

Joe Versus The Volcano - 1990

Grade = Sucks

Movie Trailer here

-I've heard so many good things about this film so I decided to check it out. This movie was like a weird horrible dream.  Meg Ryan isn't even that hot and she plays three separate roles.  Its kind of a cool story, but its just stupid and then the movie is over.  This movie would have been better if Meg Ryan wasn't in it three times, and if it had more nudity

Mr. Joe say: "This movie sucks, I could see why an idiot would like it, but you are better than that, just avoid this movie and if someone says they like it, tell them that it sucks"

So I Married An Axe Murderer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3TgDBN7wk4

-very hilarious, great soundtrack.  you also get to see Mike Myers butt cheeks which is always a plus.  Perfect movie for a nice romantic night with your friend and their girlfriend/boyfriend (because chances are if you are reading this you are alone, and a loser)

Mr. Joe says: "watch it, its funny, don't be a jackass"

Scott Pilgrim Versus the World

This movie is wonderful, it has everything you would ever want; rock n roll music, sexy sluts, and fags.  Definitely in the the top three movies of 2010, just behind The Spy Next Door

Mr. Joe says:  "Hurry and get your broke ass down to the dollar theater and watch this before its on DVD, or just watch it when it comes out on DVD, you will less likely be stabbed in the back or catch pink eye if you wait for the DVD"