Detroit Rock City - 1999

Grade = A-

-It's always refreshing when I find a movie that is actually funny, and I'm talking laugh out loud baby.  There are so many movies that claim to be funny but are not funny at all (pineapple express, Crash, shitty films like that) This film is nothing like those ones and I don't know why I even mentioned them, please forgive me, and lets move on.  Detroit Rock City is amazing in every way, I love everyone in this film.  I can't believe it came out in 1999.  Even if you don't like KISS you will like this movie, and remember that nobody likes KISS.

Mr. Joe Says: "One of the funniest movies I have ever seen, and the soundtrack alone will take your breath away."

Vertigo - 1958

Grade = C+ (maybe B-)

- I think I could have really liked this movie... If it wasn't so fucking boring.  If you can get past the 3 hour montage of James Stewart stalking Kim Novak, the movie is pretty good.  It's got twists or whatever, who cares.

Mr. Joe Says: " The end of this movie frightened me, but really not as great as everyone says it is, watch North by Northwest or Psycho.  Psycho is as good as everyone says."

Midnight Cowboy - 1969

Grade = A+

-Joe Buck sets out for New York to become a Hustler.

-Mr. Joe Says: "The greatest film ever made"

Aliens - 1986

Grade = B+

-It's like Avatar but without all the gay bullshit.

Mr. Joe says: "I have a vague memory of watching the first Alien and thinking it was boring as hell.  This one was not, this one is action packed, It could have done without the little girl, but I guess it was fine.  It's always nice to see people get torn in half in movies.

Something's Gotta Give - 2003

Grade = B

-I must have been an old single lady in a past life, that or I am flaming gay, because I really enjoyed watching this movie and I think buying this movie for 2.70 was the greatest decision I have ever made.  What a steal right? 2.70?  Well this movie is really for older women, older rich, sexy woman.  But It's actually pretty great for everyone, it's one of those really clean movies, like everyone and everything in the film is shiny and clean and glowing.  It has an all-Star cast of... well who cares about the others, Keanu Reeves is in this.

-Mr. Joe Says: "It's like that other one by her, It's COmplicated, but I will say that this got a B, and the other one got a B- but I liked the other one more.  It's complicated was great on second thought. Oh and expect extreme nudity"

Defending Your Life - 1991

Grade = B+

-  Albert Brooks dies and goes to Judgement City to Defend his life.  While there he meets a young sexy Meryl Streep and well I'm sure you can guess the rest.  Well this movie is great, Albert Brooks needs to be in every movie, Albert Brooks and Sinbad should be in everything, then everything wouldn't suck so bad.  Meryl Streep makes you feel very warm and fuzzy like rubbing a warm teddy bear all over your body.  Excuse me

Mr. Joe Says: "If you want to feel good and not depressed, you should watch this movie"

The Mummy Returns - 2001

Grade = C+

-I used to think this movie was better than the first Mummy back when I saw it for my friends 11th birthday party.  But I was 11 and an idiot, watching it now, I can see that it is pretty much the Mummy but with more special effects and The Rock.  I was also a huge wrestling fan back in 2001, so maybe I loved that the rock is in this, but now I don't really like it at all, I wish he wasn't here, and I wish he wasn't a computerized scorpion.  And what was up with the story? pretty stupid, but I have seen way worse, at least that one girls ass is hot.  The third one they made didn't even have that! they replaced the girl with Jet Li, that is just gross.   Mummy Returns is pretty action packed, its good, I will hold this movie special... whatever

Mr. Joe Says: "The Mummy Returns, but nobody cares as much (well that was weird wasn't it?)"

First Blood - 1982

Grade = B+

-Where has this film been my whole life??  I was never into the whole Rambo scene for some reason but I finally watched the First Blood and i think it's incredible.  I can't wait to watch Part 2 (wow Im a loser)  John Rambo is a Vietnam Vet who is a killing machine, after some jackass cop bothers him, one thing leads to another and there is an all out war in this little town.  I loved it from start to finish, what an awesome action movie.  I'm ashamed that I didn't watch this when I was 12, It would have blown my fragile mind.

-Mr. Joe Says: " Not a dull moment in this film, It's pretty much Rocky but with a machine gun and a huge Knife, I was a little disappointing that more people weren't killed in this movie but I hear the next one has more than enough kills"

It's Complicated - 2009

Grade = B-

-Now I know that this movie looks real bad, and I used to hate Alec Baldwin more then anything.  But I have grown and i saw some of that movie The Edge and after seeing this I kind of like him in all his greasy glory.  There is something about this movie that makes you kind of at ease and you just can't really stop watching it.  Yeah it's for old lesbian women, but hey that's almost every movie in the theater right now.  Steve Martin was great, Meryl streep is like the rich mother you wish you had, and Alec Baldwin is actually pretty funny.  I can't really explain it but this movie is a good time.

Mr. Joe Says: "I must be gay"

The Family Man - 2000

Grade = D

-What was I thinking when I bought this movie without watching it first? Am I an idiot? sadly yes. but I only paid 3 dollars for it so oh well.  This film is not Excellent, in fact this movie is pretty damn far from excellent, it really really sucks.  I thought at least it would be kind of funny and Cage would act really weird and i would enjoy it on a sick level.  But when a movie is this slow, I just pray for it to end.  By the way the person who said it was excellent was the UPN channel which is long gone, and nobody should listen to anything UPN says.

-Mr. Joe Says: " Another piece of shit I bought from the Mall"

Kelly's Heroes - 1970

Grade = B+

-This movie was great, it had guns, killing, explosions, comedy, and gold.  The classic ingredients of a great film.  The sutherland beard boy is really groovy.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Makes War seem like summer camp"

Bedazzled - 2000

Grade = C

-This is another one I used to rent a lot when I was 11 years old.  Elizabeth Hurley is the devil and she is trying to help Brendan Fraser who plays an annoying idiot loser gain respect and be loved by people and some ugly girl he likes.  Well anyways he is granted 7 wishes and he keeps making these wishes and they go all crazy and Elizabeth HUrley is just a babe throughtout the film.  I don't understand why Brendan Fraser doesn't just get with the Devil, she was much nicer looking then the girl he likes, but oh well.

 -Mr. Joe Says: " I feel this movie could have been so much better than it was but don't get me wrong I like this movie even tho it sucks balls, it has some good points, I just hate it in movies when things don't work out..."

Monkeybone - 2001

Grade = C-

-Alright this film is just so damn weird.  I'm not sure why I rent this every couple of years, but I think that my mind blocks out how incredibly weird this shit is.  After watching The Mummy I wanted to re-live some of my favorites from when I was 11 and 12, so I picked up MonkeyBone, and after watching it I felt very alien and dirty.  This movie is kind of like BeetleJuice but just missing something, it has some pretty cool moments though.  I would check it out just for fun.

-Mr. Joe Says: "This movie is perfect for sick 12 year olds"

The Mummy - 1999

Grade = B (A with Fraser Commentary)

-The Mummy is one of those magical movies that you can't help but just watch all the time.  Brendan Fraser at his all time best and dorkiest.  It has loads of action and humor, and that's all I really want.  And the girl is pretty smoking hot as well.  But I will say I have a strong childhood tie to this movie, and I can understand why someone might think this movie sucks, but I say to them that they are stupid assholes.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Make sure to watch this movie with Brendan Fraser Commentary, it is the funniest thing I have ever heard. made me love the movie ten times more.  It's like watching it with an old crazy Uncle."