Paul Blart: Mall Cop - 2009

Grade = C+

-Kevin James plays Paul Blart, the nice, stupid, lonely Mall Cop.  I think I like this movie just because I feel it knows it is pretty crappy.  Does this make sense?  Or maybe I expected this movie to be just what it is?  Well either way, I sort of kind of like watching this movie, but I have the King Of Queens bias.

-Mr. Joe says: "You could make up your own mind about this movie, but it is at least worth renting and putting on in the background at a party for people who don't want to talk to each other."

Planet of The Apes - 2001

Grade =C- (probably D)

-I first saw this in the theater when I was 11 years old and all I could think was, "Why does this suck f***?"  I just don't understand why this sucks, Tim Burton makes a Planet of the Apes Film, how could that suck? It's like a dream, but the truth is that this movie is just apeshit.

Mr. Joe Says: "Every couple years I watch it anyways, because I just wanna make sure it sucks or maybe it isn't so bad, but it usually sucks"

Sleepless in Seattle - 1993

Grade = B

-Sometimes you just gotta take your shoes off and watch Sleepless In Seattle.  I am a sucker for a lot of these Romantic Comedy or "Fag Movies" and this one sucked me in like a Meg Ryan Vortex.  I don't even like Meg Ryan that much but by the end it doesn't matter, all that matters is THAT THEY FINALLY MEET!! so gay

-Mr. Joe Says: "It's good"

Ferris Bueller's Day Off - 1986

Grade = A+

-Only a real Dickhead wouldn't like this movie.  Even tho loser jackass nerds quote this movie all the time, don't let it get to you.  It's one of those movies everyone can love.

Mr. Joe Says: "Watching this movie at an early stage in life will result in bad grades, bank fines, and endless years at community college"

You've Got Mail - 1998

Grade = D-

-This movie is a waste.  I tried my best to really get into it, and It is just crap.  This shouldn't have been made.  These two losers email each other and they don't even know that they are book rivals or something and it's really stupid.  Really really stupid.

-Mr. Joe says: "this was a money snatcher if I ever saw one, I'd bet on that"

Going the Distance - 2010

Grade = C-

- Did anyone watch this? Is anyone even reading these? I swear if I don't have ten followers by the end of this month I'm not doing this anymore. (like I could live without blogging)  Anyways, I'm always amazed at how sometimes Drew Barrymore is beautiful and then next scene she looks like a bloated elephant. Other than this movie only being kind of funny, and the elephant thing, this movie was like a glass of tap water.  I drank it, I didn't enjoy it all that much, but it was free.

-Mr. Joe Says: " Garden State 2 but a lot crappier and nothing like Garden State"

Tangled - 2010

Grade = C

-I don't really know why I watched this.  I didn't like most of the songs, in fact I kind of hated when they started singing.  All in all this wasn't as good as I thought it would be, but then again this was made for 9 year olds... Im such a loser.

Mr. Joe Says: " Too sweet, It made me sick"

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III - 1993

Grade = C-

-The worst of the 3 films ( I don't count TMNT, that's digital trash, it wasn't that bad but I hated the voice of splinter)  I don't understand why they kept changing the Turtles costumes.  They were perfect in the first film, then they got a little crappier, then they turned into this... but to be honest I watch this movie anyways and I watched it a whole lot.  It's just I wish they didn't look all spotted and slimey.  In case you don't know what happens, April O'neal goes back in time to ancient Japan and those fiesty turtles go out to rescue her.

Mr. Joe says: " Raphael is pist again, and Leonardo is kissing everyones ass"

The Butterfly Effect - 2004

Grade = C+

-I don't know about this movie,  it freaked me out too much.  It's just one of those movie I never ever want to see again because it makes me want to vomit.

Mr. Joe Says: "I prefer Ashton playing a stupid idiot in That 70's show"

Killer Klowns from Outer Space - 1988

Grade = C+

-Watched this very late at night when I was 10.  I blame this movie for my lack of motivation and obsession with Cotton Candy.  How in the world did they come up with Cotton Candy? who thinks to do that?  Just think about cotton candy for one second and you will see how strange it is.

Mr. Joe says: "I want some cotton candy"

Speed - 1994

Grade = B

- I always forget how this one ends... I've seen it a couple times and it's awesome, but I just forget. Am I an idiot? Yes.  Does it end with the bus exploding and sandra bullocks head cuts chopped off and flies through the air? I sure hope that's what happens but that isn't what happens...  Bus can't go below 50 mph or the thing goes BAM, that is a recipe for great movie.  There is a sequel but I heard its a boat and that just sounds stupid.

Mr. Joe says: "Reeves and Hopper make it worth it, I know you hate Bullock, we all hate Bullock."

Devil Wears Prada - 2006

Grade = C+(B if I'm in a really Gay mood)

-Nobody told me this movie was 4 hours long.  Not really but it seemed that way last time I watched it.  I was probably just pissed at that ugly red head that's in this movie, and Meryl Streep was a strangely attractive 90 year old.

Mr. Joe says: " girl movie, that is actually pretty good, Hathaway is a little angel"

Mighty Aphrodite - 1995

Grade = B-

-There are all kinds of people, but there are two kinds of white people, people who love Woody Allen, and then people who hate him and are sad losers.  I love Woody Allen and people argue all of his movies are the same, and I guess the core of them are similar but that's the reason I love them, I love that loveable loser.  Give Woody Allen a break, he writes, directs, and stars in his films and he has done a shit ton of them.  If you can't appreciate Woody Allen you are an asshole.  I will say that some of them suck. Don't watch that one with Scarlet Johanson and Hughe Jackman and the magician... that sucked balls.

Mr. Joe says: "Yeah this ones good..." 

Rocky - 1976

Grade = A

-This movie is made for your average idiot, so I completely love every second of Rocky and since you are reading this, you will love it as well.  Anyways, I'm sure you know what this movie is about by looking at the cover, its a gay porn, or boxing, pretty much the same thing.

Mr. Joe says: "I love this movie so much I wrote a little gay song about it, I wish I was joking but I really did write a song about this movie, not only did I write a song but I even made a music video, I really wish that was a joke, but it isn't"

One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest - 1975

Grade=A+

-So F***ing great, I could watch this anytime.

Mr. Joe Says: "I'm gay for this movie"

Batman Returns - 1992

Grade = B+

-The best Batman movie out there.  Pfeiffer was born to play Cat woman (and that uptight woman in One Fine Day) and Devito is so incredibly disgusting and perfect.  This is when Batman wasn't taken soooo seriously (Dark Ass 2008) but also not a complete joke (Batman and Robin 1997) This movie even has that creepy weirdo that I know you love Christopher Walken.

Mr. Joe says: "Michelle Pfeiffer"

Autumn in New York - 2000

Grade= D+

- If Winona is there, I'll give it a try.  But watching this movie made me feel weird and dirty.  I think I hate Richard Gere.  He plays a rich jerk ass just like he is in real life I bet.  Winona Ryder plays a 12 year old or something who makes crappy little hats.

Mr. Joe says: "Sucks, Blows, Smells, whatever you want to say, it's a pretty crappy movie"

Jesus Christ Superstar - 1973

Grade = C

-Probably the coolest and most hip movie you could ever make about Jesus.  It's a Rock Opera of the story of Jesus Christ mostly the relationship between Judas and Jesus. The songs are great... but, towards the middle I got pretty antsy and might have fast forwarded a little.  Pretty strange movie... I don't know what else to say.

Mr. Joe says: "If you ever wondered if Jesus could sing really high, now you know, well you will know if you watch this movie, which you wont."

Kramer vs. Kramer - 1979

Grade = B+

-Watch this film if you wanna cry your little eyes out.  Streep is young, sexy, and playing a bitch, again and Hoffman is always sexy.  It's about these two love birds who break up and The man bird is trying to get by with the son and then all this angry slut drama goes down and you will cry, I didn't but I wanted to.

Mr. Joe Says: " It won some oscars and you should probably watch it, it was pretty popular at one time but how would I know i was born last year"

Ponyo - 2008

Grade = B+

- I was very reluctant to watch this movie but it rocked my heart & soul.  It's the little mermaid but without that red headed whore Ariel.  I love this film and it surprisingly doesn't suck fat balls like most Japanese things especially their electronics and nintendo and other good things sony hahahah so funny right??. (I actually liked the other ones this guy made as well, Spirited away I think and Tooturoo" )

Mr. Joe says: "This was such a retarded review, just watch this stupid bullshit"

Seven Samurai - 1954

Grade = D-

-I don't care who says this movie is amazing, it's boring.  Half way through I wanted to actually go take a walk around outside, can you believe that? Actually get off my ass and walk around rather than watch a movie.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Just watch Kung Pow or Jackie Chan movie Mr. Nice guy or whatever it's called"

Breaking Away - 1979

Grade = A+

-I've already reviewed Breaking Away but I don't give a shit and this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want.  This movie is such a good time and makes me feel happy.  Every character is so lovable and you just want to hug this film.

-Mr. Joe says: "You owe yourself this movie"

Devil - 2010

Grade = C+

-Not as bad as you think (if you think at all)  It has Ryan's brother from the OC in it!  And my friend met the black guy in it at Jamba Juice.  It's pretty scary, kind of, they are trapped in the elevator and one is the devil, I was wrong with my guess of who was the Devil...  Yeah that's pretty much it.  Worth renting or Illegally Downloading.

-Mr. Joe Says: "It's probably M.Knight's best movie, just kidding it's not, his best movie was The Happening"

Accepted - 2006

Grade = B+

- I remember when this movie came out and I was so against it for some reason and refused to go watch it.  After finally giving this movie a chance I realized that this movie was made for losers like me and maybe if I saw it in 2006 I could have done a little better in school and gone to one of those fake schools like Cal State Fullerton or UC San Diego.  No, it probably wouldn't have made a difference, and what am I even talking about, this movie wasn't about doing well in school, it was about doing bad in school and making your own school, and Universities are for DickHeads i think or something like that.

Mr. Joe Says: " Any movie that makes me feel better about sucking in school is alright with me"

Twilight Zone: The Movie - 1983

Grade = D

- I really love the old show and this movie had pretty good ratings so I figured I would like it.  But it just sucked, I don't really know why.  I think it felt a little like a movie made for TV.  It's split up into four mini movie segments and the first one was ok, the second one sucked, then pretty cool, and then ok again...  I shipped this one as fast as I could back to Netflix. 

-Mr. Joe Says: "It's better to watch the original show, just find some loser who bought all of them on DVD"

Back To School - 1986

Grade = C- (maybe D+)

-I was barely watching this to be honest, I watched it in chucks because I kept getting distracted by buying things on amazon and worrying about changing Bank Accounts.  Rodney Dangerfield plays this wide load millionaire who goes back to college for his son or something and he cheats on all his classes and is a great diver or something.

Mr. Joe Says: "It was a little to "80's Gay" for me"

The Dilemma - 2011

Grade = C

-I only saw this because I am in love with 90's Winona Ryder and I am a King of Queens mindless junkie.  All in all this movie was exactly what I thought it would be,  kind of funny but not really, but at least Winona Ryder was in it, and how come Kevin James isn't in more movies, and is he getting skinnier or fatter I can't tell, and why is Winona Ryder always playing the mean bitch these days.  Well I have no regrets watching this movie but I probably won't watch it again until it comes out on 2 disk dvd and its in the walmart trash dvds.

-Mr. Joe Says: "It's a little long, and more sad than funny"

The Cable Guy - 1996

Grade = B

- Not nearly as bad as everyone says this movie is.  Not only is it really funny, it's also very frightening.  Although if this movie was super popular I probably would hate it because I only like things that everyone hates because I am an asshole.

Mr. Joe Says: "Way better than Yes Man, Yes Man is just the stupidest crap ever"