The Perks of Being a Wallflower - 2012

Grade = C+

- I read the book when I was a freshman in high school and then I read it again recently and I guess I like the book a lot, but I don't tell people I like it because it's lame to like the book.  The movie was pretty damn cheesy and really gay.

Mr. Joe Says:  "I could have rented it,  emma watson needs to be more naked in her movies as well"

Django Unchained - 2012

Grade = B+

- At first I thought this was going to be another boring Dickhead movie like Inglorious Bastards, but then the movie got insane and blew my ass apart.  Very Cool.  Leo was amazing.

Mr. Joe Says:  "Makes you hate yourself for being white."

Fist of the North Star - 1986

Grade = B

- Who gives a shit what I think?  Make up your own minds.

Mr. Joe Says: "I don't think I'm gonna write these anymore"

Army of Darkness - 1992

Grade = C+

- NO where nearly as great as the movie artwork shown above.  I had high hopes for this movie because every one of my stoner friends which was all of my friends loved this movie.  It has some funny moments sometimes but not worth buying it on Blu ray like I did because I probably won't ever watch it again, unless im trippin with some homies big time....

Mr. Joe Says: "Just watch Evil Dead 2, it's much better"

The Thing - 2011

Grade = D

- I don't really remember watching this movie because I was tired and angry.  Right from the start this movie proves to be a washed up shitty version of The 1982 masterpiece.  And Mary Elizabeth Winstead looks like she was put through a Drying Machine.  This movie pretends to be a prequel but it's really just a piece of dick remake.

-Mr. Joe Says:  " Not worth your precious ass time"

Judge Dredd - 1995

Grade = C+

- Somebody spent a lot of money on this movie, I guess it looks pretty cool and I was impressed with all the special effects... oh who cares, I'm depressed.  Who cares about movies...

Mr. Joe says: " It's worth watching once... I guess, I don't care"

Rocky Balboa - 2006

Grade = B

-  If you are a Jackass (which you are) then you will love this movie.  It's just one of those movies that is really easy to watch and before you know it the movie is over and you feel good about life and don't wanna kill yourself as much until you watch something like Gangs of New York and then you just feel like cutting your own throat because Cameron Diaz is a frog.

Mr. Jose says: " es muy guapo"

Evil Dead II - 1987

Grade = A-

-  Where has this movie been all my life?  I don't usually like horror movies but I wouldn't even consider this horror, Evil Dead 2 is JUST INSANITY!  I loved this movie and I had such a great time watching it.  This movie is like one big monster party.  Very funny and different then most bullshit movies I watch like Gangs of New York...

Mr. Joe Says: "YOU must watch this movie, it is great"

Gangs of New York - 2002

Grade = C +

-  Just another movie that thinks it's better than it actually is.  To be honest I didn't even finish watching it...  but that's not my fault.  Maybe I just don't like Irish people's accents.  Maybe I just hate Cameron Diaz's ugly face.  This movie just wasn't doing it for me, and what's up with the weird guitars during that first battle scene.  it's stupid...

Mr. Joe Says: " Yeah I didn't even watch the whole thing, but I don't need to...  I remembered why I never watched this movie, because there are so many other better movies to watch, like phantom menace in 3d"

Total Recall - 2012

Grade = F+

-  Total Piece of shit.

Mr. Joe says:  "  they took out everything awesome about the original film and replaced it with some slutty whores from seventh heaven.  Go and watch the original Total Recall, it will blow your mind."

Lethal Weapon - 1987

Grade = B

-  2 cops, one is a black guy who loves his family and the other one is a white dude with no reason to live and a devilish sense of humor.  that's all you really need to know, oh and this movie kicks major Ass.  they should make a sequel!

Mr. Joe says:  "  Lethal Weapon could maybe be the greatest movie ever made probably not tho"

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - 2004

Grade = B+

-  I watched this movie a long time ago and I remember not liking it very much or caring about it.  Now that I am a lonely nasty man, this movie makes so much more wonderful sense to me.  I was on the verge of crying, but it could have been my medication.  Anyway, Jim carrey is erasing his brain to forget some crazy ass lover he used to know.

Mr. Joe Says:  "very strange beautiful movie that you have probably already seen, try again if you didn't like it, movie is better to watch if you are one sad MF."

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - 1998

Grade = B

-One weird ass movie.  This film is not only for drug fueled assholes, it's also a ton of fun for assholes like you and me.

Mr. Joe says:  "Very much worth watching and a very beautiful movie,  probably better if viewed on drugs, but everyone knows that already."

There Will Be Blood - 2007

Grade = B+

-There was blood, not a lot, but there was a good amount of blood.  Tons of symbolic blood.  I really enjoyed this film and i really hated that pumpkin faced preacher boy.

Mr. Joe says:  "Probably should have watched this years ago, but i was busy watching clone wars in 2007."

Hope Springs - 2012

Grade = B- (c+)

- Gave me a boner.

Mr. Joe says: "it really did, a slight one"

Battleship - 2012

Grade = F

-This is the worst piece of shit I have ever seen.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  and it was like 2 hours!

Mr. Joe says: "Do not watch this movie,  this movie was made for complete assholes.  Football players will love it."

Alien - 1979

Grade = B+

- I used to think I liked the sequel more than this one, but after watching both again I realized that this one is just pretty damn awesome.  Aliens is good as well but it just feels like more of a joke.  This one is very creepy and keeps your ass hairs on end. (sorry, I'm a little high)  Anyway, this is how sci fi should be.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Sigourney Weaver is insanely smoking Sexy XXX in a curly late 70's early 80's kind of way.  This movie just really kicks major asshole."

Prometheus - 2012

Grade = D

- To be fair I was very tired when I watched this and I might have dozed off, because one second there is a guy getting his face melted, then crushed, and then the next second the credits are rolling up.  All in all I thought this movie was a big piece of shit.  And there weren't any aliens in it...  The original Alien is probably Ridley Scott's only film that I like, and Aliens is good as well.  This dumbass did make Blade runner so I'm not surprised that this sucked so bad.

-Mr. Joe Says - "It felt more like fantasy gore bullshit, rather than awesome sci fi action."

Shark Tale - 2004

Grade = D-

- One stupid piece of shit film.  Man I really hate this movie.  I hate everything about it.

-Mr. Joe Says: " I bet I would like it a little more if I was black. "

The Descendants - 2011

Grade = C

-  Follow rich bastard Clooney on some adventure through Hawaii with his spoiled idiot kids.  It was nice to see Hawaii I guess.  I got bored, and just wanted it over.

-Mr. Joe Says: "I felt nothing during this movie, except a little hungry, I ate Carl's Jr. after, I'd give that a "B"

Hunger Games - 2012

Grade = C-

-  It's like Running Man, but with kids.  It was just your average bag of shit movie (just like running man).  I liked the girl but I hated the Zathura dumb ass.

-Mr. Joe Says: "Left me Hungry for something Tasty."

**Bonus review: " I heard my grandmother went to see this movie and was so disgusted she left during the film, so I guess it has some good points, if it made her puke I would have given it at least a B"

Jeff Who Lives At Home - 2011

Grade = D

-  This movie zooms up on everybody's face so much and shakes around, I almost threw up all over my expensive Gap Sweater.  Watching this movie is like riding a Knott's Berry Farm Roller Coaster,  It shakes all over the place, isn't very fun, and leaves you feeling depressed and ripped off.

-Mr. Joe says:  " There is a reason you haven't seen this, and it is because it sucks, also I feel the trailer was very misleading, this movie is such a downer.  Skip this"

The Artist - 2011

Grade = A+

-Holy Shit

Mr. Joe Says: "I'm in Love"

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie - 2012

Grade = A+

- Tim and Eric are the two funniest people alive, and this movie is the weirdest movie I have ever seen aside from Star Wars Episode 2.  I watched B$M twice and I think this movie gets better the more times you watch it.  It does have some pretty nasty bits but I just love these guys and I will love anything they do.  The best way I can describe this movie is that it's like a dream a wonderful dream about two buddies who mean well but are probably possessed by the devil.  I really don't know what to say, the movie speaks for itself.  It's hard to catch in theaters but you can watch it on itunes or amazon.

Mr. Joe Says:  " I highly suggest you watch this movie, it's the funniest movie ever made"

Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey - 1991

Grade = A

- I used to rent this movie a lot when I was younger, and somewhere along life's dusty trail I sort of forgot how completely incredible this movie is!  I like BOGUS Journey more then EXCEllENt Adventure! which is crazy because excellent adventure ROCKS ASS!  But I really like the scenes with Death and I like how they are dead and I just really love where they went with the story.  Most of all I just love Bill and Ted, they are just two rock n rollers out to save the world, no bullshit.  People have this misconception that Bill and Ted are idiots.  They are dead wrong and clearly haven't seen the movies.  I heard rumors of a third one coming out soon!  Oh and the Kiss song at the end just really kicks ass.

Mr. Joe Says: " PARTY ON DUDES!"

PS: I really regret giving ZooKeeper an A.. what was I thinking, that movie sucked ass, im gonna go change it right now.

The Matrix Reloaded - 2003

Grade = D+

-  Computers hacking themselves?  Not even I will believe that shit.  I may not even know what I'm talking about because I was very confused but I really liked the first Matrix compared to this high tech electro music video.  The special effects were pretty cool for 2003 probably, but I like to wait almost a decade before giving a movie a chance and the effects don't really hold up. (I don't even care if that last sentence made sense)

Mr. Joe says: "probably cool to watch high on your shit or whatever you smoke, but not very good if you are bitter, lonely, and high strung"

How To Make an American Quilt - 1995

Grade = D-

- I was fooled again by that sweet angel face of Winona Ryder.  I have no idea who this movie was made for,  and the old ladies are just awful, I hope they are all dead by now.  Ryder is trying to write some college bullshit paper on women or something and listens to all these really boring stories from these hags.  I really regret buying this on DVD without renting it first.  But I have paid more for worse movies in my life. (I can't think of any right now.  This really sucked)

-Mr. Joe Says:  "not even my sick obsession with Winona got me through this movie"